Sunday, December 5, 2010


It’s been about a year. Since I came out. I feel like it’s been about 10 years. The first couple times I told people I couldn’t say the word. It was like, “I feel like maybe I’m…you know.” They knew. But I wasn’t strong enough to say the words.

A year later I can say the words. I haven’t said them to everyone. I know they won’t care. I know. But there’s no turning back from that. There’s no turning back from “I’m different.” I have never wanted to make anyone uncomfortable. I’ve always just wanted to go unnoticed. And now I’m afraid of being so noticed that I make everyone uncomfortable. No. Listen. No, I swear I’m not thinking of you that way. Don’t be creeped out. I’m normal.

I’m of the age where everyone, and I mean everyone, is now in either a long term committed relationship or married. And the babies. Goddamn the babies. Procreation everywhere. And I’m 13, afraid of everything, afraid of my body, afraid of everyone else, confused about what I should do. I should have known sooner. I did know sooner. I should have let myself know sooner.

I’m drunk now. I went to several holiday parties and watched as my attractive friends had a good time. And it just made me sad. Sad that they were attractive and young and had bright futures that could easily be betted on now. He’ll propose in 9 months. She’ll be knocked up in 2 years. But where will I be? Shouldn’t it be exciting that I don’t know? No. I’m 30, I should know. Where is my happy ending? Where is my super cute boyfriend that will make everything normal?

I’m never going to have that. I’m never going to have that. Nothing will be normal for me. Which is poetic I guess. I’ve never liked normal. I’ve never liked status quo. I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum. But sometimes I see everyone else’s drum and I’m jealous. Why can’t my drum be like everyone else’s? Why do I have to be alone?

I don’t know. I hold onto the hope that someday I’ll meet someone and be all, “Oh, yeah. This is why I had to wait.” But they’re (she’s) taking her damn time.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I can't decide if the ad creator should be given a raise or fired.

Dear Megan Mullally -

What did you blow your Will & Grace money on that made it necessary for you to make this commercial? Whores? Crack? Did you lose it in a Ponzi scheme?


Saturday, January 9, 2010

Tune-Yards is (are?) AWESOME or When did LA get culture?

The Natural History Museum has these events called First Fridays. They do them the first Friday of every month. They have special lectures and concerts and such, usually by people you've never heard of. Sounds pretty boring.

But, I was excited about it, because just about a week after my obsession with Tune-Yards started, they played at the NHM's first First Friday of the year.

Because I'm anal-retentive and like to have a plan in place, I bought a ticket ahead of time (which is just regular admission to the museum), but wasn't expecting much of a problem. This was a museum on a Friday night in Los Angeles after all. I was expecting me and about 15 other people. I didn't think anyone would show up for the lecture on spiders.

Boy howdy was I wrong.

I show up to see this massive line in front of the museum. And by massive, I mean probably about 200 people. But I'm bad at estimating, so who knows. I walk up and stand in the line for a bit, but every time I stand in line, this little voice in my head reminds me of my friend Jamie who is infuriated by people who just stand in lines without knowing what they're for. They stand there because it's what the majority is doing, but they aren't sure if it's the right line for them. So after a few minutes I asked the people behind me to save my spot and went up to the doors. Good thing, because guess what, me and my advance ticket - we got to go right on through!

This is a load off my back because the concert is supposed to start in about 10 minutes. But then I see it - the line to get into the concert room. It's longer than the line to get into the museum. It's longer than the line I stood in to get into the airport 2 days before Christmas. No, it's longer than that line AND the security line that I went through. This line crosses the museum and heads down a flight of stairs before I stop and rethink.

There's no way I'm getting in. So, I head back up to the front of the line and just linger, wishing I was a little more confident or at least drunk so I would be able to slip into line. It was just me after all. Instead I hung around until some security guy said we had to step back, but not to worry because the show would be projected onto the wall.

And so that's how it came to be that I stood next to a T-Rex and a roomful of hipsters to watch a concert projected on a marble museum wall. And I'll tell you what, I don't even care. The concert was that awesome. Merrill Garbus was there with the bass player guy that's always around, but she also brought three chicks to play drums. She played a lot of new stuff, which was awesome, but also a little sad because I knew it wasn't released yet and I'd just have to wait around forever. But, it was totally amazing, and I'm glad I went. Now I just have to wait a little more to see a proper show.

There were a ton of people there to see the show, but apparently a lot of people went to the spider lecture and some people were just hanging out. I'm still a little confused, as it doesn't really seem like an Angeleno thing to do. The other thing I can't figure out is why the museum doesn't do it more often. They had to be making bank! Not only with the price of admission, but they were also selling booze. I guess Silverlake's hipsters are standing behind their personas.

Anyhoo, I still highly recommend checking out Tune-Yards. And if she plays at a museum near you - GO EARLY.

tUnE-YaRdS "Fiya" from dublab on Vimeo.

tUnE-YaRdS "Hatari" from dublab on Vimeo.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


I recently came across this band that I am now obsessed with.

And when I say band, I mean "just one chick who uses a whole name for her band. But it's really just her."

That would be Merrill Garbus of Tune-Yards. Actually, it's TuNe-yArDs or something like that with odd capitalization. I'm not sure. I'm also not sure if I'm supposed to say, "I love their stuff," or "I love her stuff." There are a lot of grammar issues here. I feel like maybe I should diagram a sentence or something.

Anyway, she does looping things to make a whole song with just her. I mean, it'd be cooler if she had one of those "one man band" outfits with the cymbals on the knees and the bass drum. I just realized anyone who didn't grow up watching Looney Tunes might not know what I'm taking about. It looks like this:


...But, as it is, she's got short hair on one side and not on the other and she plays a ukulele, so she's pretty bad ass, even without cymbals strapped to her knees.

Check out the video below and then go to iTunes and download her stuff (especially Hatari, Sunlight, and Fiya). And if you're really cool, you'll show up to the Natural History Museum tomorrow (January 8, 2010) to see it all live.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

ha ha

Ok, so I haven't blogged in forever. And I'm not really going to blog right now either. I just wanted to share this because I thought it was hilarious...


Someday when I have time I'll find the video.

(Note: For some reason, blogger really likes to cut off all my pictures. To read the whole thing, just click on the pic. That should work.)

Sunday, November 8, 2009

It's just not ok.

“I am so pissed off.”

So started an email from my cousin the other day, telling me that Maine had repealed the law allowing LGBTs to marry.

I hadn’t really thought much about the issue since Prop 8 passed last November. I didn’t even know that Maine was voting on it. I’m not really a political person. I figure the right will never convince the left and the left will never convince the right. There are just too damn many people in this country for all of us to agree on everything. I always just kind of walk that middle line, staying out of the argument. What can I do, right?

But recently I’ve been rethinking that stance when it comes to allowing gays and lesbians to marry. Because it’s not really about marriage. It’s about allowing a certain group of people to have the same rights as everyone else.

Wait a minute…

I’m sorry, are we really talking about equal rights in the year 2009? Didn’t Rosa Parks refuse to sit in the back of the bus, like, forever ago? And didn’t Susan B. Anthony show that having a vagina doesn’t impair your ability to vote way back before computers and cars and maybe even indoor plumbing? We’ve put a man on the moon and a black man in the White House, but we’re still putting restrictions on who you can love?

Oh, I see. It’s because being gay is wrong in the eyes of the Lord. I get it now. Lawmakers have been sworn to duty – to serve and protect – and that includes saving people from the fiery pits of hell.

Wait...that's not right either.

Many, many years ago, a bunch of folks in weird outfits and a penchant for big shiny buckles got on a boat and pitted themselves against stormy seas, frigid winters, and starvation – all to escape religious prosecution. And then some other stuff happened and then it was 1776 and there were declarations and constitutions and everyone decided there would be separation of church and state.

Now – I’ll give you this – there is a bit of an overlap between religion and government. That’s because people confuse morality and religion. Religion isn’t just a list of morals you should have. It’s a belief system. And you know what? Government isn't a moral system. It's a ruling body designed to keep our society safe and organized. Because if you’re going to have more than one person living in the same space, and you don’t want total anarchy, you have to have some rules. Government is the instiller of these rules. Government says, “Hey, you know what? You probably shouldn’t kill people.” And voilá, for the most part, people refrain from murder, because it’s better for society. Religion says “Though shalt not murder.” Probably for societal reasons, but also because killing someone is killing one of God’s beloved creatures, and there’s a whole theological discussion behind why that is bad, yada yada yada. In short - same rule, different reason.

And there are a lot of those. Things that make God happy (religion) are often the same things that keep a society in working order (government).

But, and I want to say this clearly, it is not the government’s job to keep people out of hell. If I want to worship Satan, the government can’t stop me. And shouldn’t. If I want to pray to Allah, if I want to worship the earth, if I want to walk up and down Los Angeles with a giant cross on my back, that is my prerogative. If my religious devotions start affecting traffic or disturbing the neighbours or in any way harming society, then yes Mr. Police Officer, welcome to my home. But my religious beliefs are mine and yours and yours and if we disagree, then great. We can agree to disagree and maybe even learn something from each other. God Bless America.

But...Marriage. Marriage is what brings is together today.

Here’s another area where there is a little blurring of the line between government and religion. Marriage is when you make family where there wasn’t family before. For some it’s about love, for some convenience or money, and for others it’s about citizenship. Whatever reason you get married for, the government says, “Congratulations, here are your tax breaks and new legal perks.” But it’s hard, because no one watches the new couple sign the paper from the courthouse. They see the couple make vows in front of a priest. But you can get married without going to a church. And for some people who don’t feel the need to make it official to the government, you can get married at a church and not sign any papers. Church marriage and government marriage are two different things that a lot of people choose to combine. I get it. If I just signed a paper and didn’t make any vows before God, I’d feel a little weird about it. And if I got married at a church, but then didn’t get any of the fun tax breaks or couldn’t visit my spouse in the hospital, I would be outraged. But, in the end, they are two different things. The government shouldn’t care who or what you marry.

So we’ve covered that in the United States, church and state are separate, and that church marriage and state marriage are ultimately two separate things. I think at this point it’s pretty clear that banning gay marriage is unconstitutional. I could end this here and feel pretty confident that I am in the right. But for some people, there’s just no separating the Bible out of it. As a church-going girl, I have to say good on you for living your convictions. It’s great when you see God in every part of your life. But, also as a church-going girl, I’m a little confused by which God you’re talking about. Because the God that I learned about, the one who sent us Jesus, is pretty clear about loving the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind and loving your neighbour as yourself. In fact, he said, “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” Nowhere in that statement did he say, “Go out and picket your neighbour’s right to love,” or “Go out and beat senseless someone who is different from you and tie them to a fence and leave them to die,” or “Treat people who love others of the same sex like second class citizens.”

You can throw Leviticus or Romans or Corinthians at me all you like, but ultimately, “Love the Lord, love your neighbour,” rules out all of that. And until you are following specific mold cleansing rituals and aren’t lying with a woman for 7 days after she’s had her period, don’t talk to me about Old Testament rules.

Now, if you believe that God is going to send gays to hell, then I probably won’t be able to convince you of anything different. But I should be able to convince you that treating LGBTs like second class citizens is against all that this country stands for. Would you feel pride sitting in a segregated classroom? Would you stand for Nazi’s taking your Jewish friends off to a concentration camp? Then why would you allow the poor treatment of LGBTs to go on in this country? Why are we letting confused teenagers commit suicide, and closeted people shrivel inward because they’re too afraid to be who they are, or for God’s sake letting people get murdered solely because of who they love?

Why are we sitting down for this?

What can I do? Plenty. And you can too.

To find out more about what you can do, please visit the Human Rights Campaign.

UPDATE: A good friend of mind suggests checking out the Courage Campaign.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Maybe they will serve s'mores next to the pits of fire.

So, one of my youth group kids told me a story about a girl who got a flu shot and then couldn't walk or talk anymore. Then she told me that she was able to walk backwards just fine, and she could also run, and when she ran she could talk normally.

Well, I laughed my ass off. It's a sad story, but come on, that visual is hysterical. It's also completely not true. Or so I thought.

Then, I looked it up, and....

And then I laughed my ass off again.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell.


UPDATE: And this guy is going with me!...from the comments section of the article on Boing Boing

Author Profile Page thecheat | #15 | 12:48 on Fri, Oct.23 |