Rowr.

I'm not sure if you knew this, but there is a lot of stuff to do in Los Angeles.

For instance:

California Cougar Convention for Younger Men & Older Women
Crowne Plaza Beverly Hills (Los Angeles, CA)

Cougars from throughout California will compete for the title of Miss Cougar California at the first-ever California Cougar Convention. Lucia, "Queen of the Cougar Jungle" (KTLA TV), will deliver the keynote address on "The Cougar Revolution." Plus, enjoy a RapidDating Mixer and a dance party that lasts until 1am.





Website: http://www.cougarevents.com/

Lucia is the author of Lucia’s Lessons of Love and a syndicated columnist. She hosts The Art of Love Show on www.LAtalkradio.com. She was voted Miss Urban Cougar in December 2005 by UrbanCougar.com. She is the veteran of numerous interviews, including Dr. Phil, The Tyra Banks Show, CBS Early Show, VH1, 60 Minutes Australia, Danny Bonaduce Show, etc.

Prior to Lucia’s Keynote, Renee Piane, “The Pioneer of Rapid Dating,” will help break down barriers with a Rapid Mixer. Ms. Piane has worked with hundreds of thousands of singles over her career.

7pm - Doors open
7:30pm - RapidDating Mixer, with Renee Piane.
8pm - Keynote Address with Cougar Author and Expert LUCIA,
"The Queen of the Cougar Jungle" (KTLA)
9pm-1am - Dance Party, featuring your favorite hits.

Miss Cougar California will be selected by the Cubs at this convention. She will be crowned at approximately 11pm and will win a free berth on the Cougar Cruise (see below), will be featured by In Hollywood
Magazine, and receive a gift package from them, plus other prizes. To be eligible she must be legally single, at least 40 years old, and present at the time of selection.

Co-Sponsored by CougarCooking, Cardeaux Cosmetics Cougar Kit, American Laser Centers, UrbanCougar, TheArtofLove, SinglesTravelCompany, icougardating, RapidDating,
CougarInternational, LASingles Society, and many others.

Bonus: Love Shack Parties will be giving away goodie bags.

Ok. My brain is about to spatter all over the wall behind me, so imma break this down piece by piece.

*deep breath*

1. Cougar Convention? Um...who goes to this? Not "who's a cougar," because come on - they're around. I even joke about being one someday. No, I mean, like, who signs up for this and spends their money on this, and then plans for it and thinks about what outfits to wear, and tells people they are going, and then holds their head up high as they walk into the Convention center? Also - who are these young men that are doing the same thing? Wouldn't it be easier to just give the cougars a bag of hair gel, cheap aftershave, and chlamydia?

2. Miss Cougar California? This makes me think of the gin soaked American Teen Princess ladies from Drop Dead Gorgeous. "I can look at this glass and see it's half empty...which, in the beauty pageant biz means 'WHERE THE HELL IS MY WAITER?!"

3. Ok, we really have to talk about the picture.


"Yeeeeaaaaaahh boi! Imma pose like a white rapper and these mommies gonna love me!" No they're not. Because I'm going to kill you. Now take that cross necklace off before Jesus starts crying.


You are not a cougar. My guess is you are a starving actor who is hoping that none of your friends see this stupid model job you booked. Well, good for you for making a buck in this economy, but this picture will come back to haunt you.

(If I weren't such an awesome person, I'd post the picture of my friend dressed up like a sheep for a commercial she did. Sadly for you, it turns out I'm a great friend.)


You are on your way to Target.


You, my dear, are in desperate need of some meds. Who told you to stand like that? Come here so I can slap you. Also, you are not a cougar. You are maybe 12.


Where is the nexus of this intersection? Are you sure you're going to the Cougar Convention and not to Lilith Fair?

4. Website: http://www.cougarevents.com/
Events? Plural?

5. Co-Sponsored by CougarCooking, Cardeaux Cosmetics Cougar Kit, American Laser Centers, UrbanCougar, TheArtofLove, SinglesTravelCompany, icougardating, RapidDating,
CougarInternational, LASingles Society, and many others.
Oh my God. What do Cougars cook? I thought they just ate through the raw meat and bone of their bloody carcasses. Are there European cougars? I thought Europe was supposed to be way classier than us.

6. Co-Sponsored by CougarCooking, Cardeaux Cosmetics Cougar Kit, American Laser Centers, UrbanCougar, TheArtofLove, SinglesTravelCompany, icougardating, RapidDating,
CougarInternational, LASingles Society, and many others.
hahahaha Cougars have mustaches.