It's just not ok.

“I am so pissed off.”

So started an email from my cousin the other day, telling me that Maine had repealed the law allowing LGBTs to marry.

I hadn’t really thought much about the issue since Prop 8 passed last November. I didn’t even know that Maine was voting on it. I’m not really a political person. I figure the right will never convince the left and the left will never convince the right. There are just too damn many people in this country for all of us to agree on everything. I always just kind of walk that middle line, staying out of the argument. What can I do, right?

But recently I’ve been rethinking that stance when it comes to allowing gays and lesbians to marry. Because it’s not really about marriage. It’s about allowing a certain group of people to have the same rights as everyone else.

Wait a minute…

I’m sorry, are we really talking about equal rights in the year 2009? Didn’t Rosa Parks refuse to sit in the back of the bus, like, forever ago? And didn’t Susan B. Anthony show that having a vagina doesn’t impair your ability to vote way back before computers and cars and maybe even indoor plumbing? We’ve put a man on the moon and a black man in the White House, but we’re still putting restrictions on who you can love?

Oh, I see. It’s because being gay is wrong in the eyes of the Lord. I get it now. Lawmakers have been sworn to duty – to serve and protect – and that includes saving people from the fiery pits of hell.

Wait...that's not right either.

Many, many years ago, a bunch of folks in weird outfits and a penchant for big shiny buckles got on a boat and pitted themselves against stormy seas, frigid winters, and starvation – all to escape religious prosecution. And then some other stuff happened and then it was 1776 and there were declarations and constitutions and everyone decided there would be separation of church and state.

Now – I’ll give you this – there is a bit of an overlap between religion and government. That’s because people confuse morality and religion. Religion isn’t just a list of morals you should have. It’s a belief system. And you know what? Government isn't a moral system. It's a ruling body designed to keep our society safe and organized. Because if you’re going to have more than one person living in the same space, and you don’t want total anarchy, you have to have some rules. Government is the instiller of these rules. Government says, “Hey, you know what? You probably shouldn’t kill people.” And voilá, for the most part, people refrain from murder, because it’s better for society. Religion says “Though shalt not murder.” Probably for societal reasons, but also because killing someone is killing one of God’s beloved creatures, and there’s a whole theological discussion behind why that is bad, yada yada yada. In short - same rule, different reason.

And there are a lot of those. Things that make God happy (religion) are often the same things that keep a society in working order (government).

But, and I want to say this clearly, it is not the government’s job to keep people out of hell. If I want to worship Satan, the government can’t stop me. And shouldn’t. If I want to pray to Allah, if I want to worship the earth, if I want to walk up and down Los Angeles with a giant cross on my back, that is my prerogative. If my religious devotions start affecting traffic or disturbing the neighbours or in any way harming society, then yes Mr. Police Officer, welcome to my home. But my religious beliefs are mine and yours and yours and if we disagree, then great. We can agree to disagree and maybe even learn something from each other. God Bless America.

But...Marriage. Marriage is what brings is together today.

Here’s another area where there is a little blurring of the line between government and religion. Marriage is when you make family where there wasn’t family before. For some it’s about love, for some convenience or money, and for others it’s about citizenship. Whatever reason you get married for, the government says, “Congratulations, here are your tax breaks and new legal perks.” But it’s hard, because no one watches the new couple sign the paper from the courthouse. They see the couple make vows in front of a priest. But you can get married without going to a church. And for some people who don’t feel the need to make it official to the government, you can get married at a church and not sign any papers. Church marriage and government marriage are two different things that a lot of people choose to combine. I get it. If I just signed a paper and didn’t make any vows before God, I’d feel a little weird about it. And if I got married at a church, but then didn’t get any of the fun tax breaks or couldn’t visit my spouse in the hospital, I would be outraged. But, in the end, they are two different things. The government shouldn’t care who or what you marry.

So we’ve covered that in the United States, church and state are separate, and that church marriage and state marriage are ultimately two separate things. I think at this point it’s pretty clear that banning gay marriage is unconstitutional. I could end this here and feel pretty confident that I am in the right. But for some people, there’s just no separating the Bible out of it. As a church-going girl, I have to say good on you for living your convictions. It’s great when you see God in every part of your life. But, also as a church-going girl, I’m a little confused by which God you’re talking about. Because the God that I learned about, the one who sent us Jesus, is pretty clear about loving the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind and loving your neighbour as yourself. In fact, he said, “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” Nowhere in that statement did he say, “Go out and picket your neighbour’s right to love,” or “Go out and beat senseless someone who is different from you and tie them to a fence and leave them to die,” or “Treat people who love others of the same sex like second class citizens.”

You can throw Leviticus or Romans or Corinthians at me all you like, but ultimately, “Love the Lord, love your neighbour,” rules out all of that. And until you are following specific mold cleansing rituals and aren’t lying with a woman for 7 days after she’s had her period, don’t talk to me about Old Testament rules.

Now, if you believe that God is going to send gays to hell, then I probably won’t be able to convince you of anything different. But I should be able to convince you that treating LGBTs like second class citizens is against all that this country stands for. Would you feel pride sitting in a segregated classroom? Would you stand for Nazi’s taking your Jewish friends off to a concentration camp? Then why would you allow the poor treatment of LGBTs to go on in this country? Why are we letting confused teenagers commit suicide, and closeted people shrivel inward because they’re too afraid to be who they are, or for God’s sake letting people get murdered solely because of who they love?

Why are we sitting down for this?

What can I do? Plenty. And you can too.

To find out more about what you can do, please visit the Human Rights Campaign.

UPDATE: A good friend of mind suggests checking out the Courage Campaign.

Maybe they will serve s'mores next to the pits of fire.

So, one of my youth group kids told me a story about a girl who got a flu shot and then couldn't walk or talk anymore. Then she told me that she was able to walk backwards just fine, and she could also run, and when she ran she could talk normally.

Well, I laughed my ass off. It's a sad story, but come on, that visual is hysterical. It's also completely not true. Or so I thought.

Then, I looked it up, and....



And then I laughed my ass off again.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell.

__________

UPDATE: And this guy is going with me!...from the comments section of the article on Boing Boing

Author Profile Page thecheat | #15 | 12:48 on Fri, Oct.23 |

DAMN THAT GIRL CAN KRUMP!

Bow chicka wow OW!

Ok, so I have a post abrewin' in my head about this whole Maine/gay marriage thing. I have some things I want to say, but I want to make sure to take the time that it deserves to write it well and write it thoughtfully.

In the meantime, I wanted to share something I came across today.

I was looking around for something on CalOSHA's website, CalOSHA being California's Occupational Safety and Health Administration, and got to this page:



To me, the page breakdown is basically:

1. Click here if you're working in porn and you have a complaint.
2. Click here if you have a complaint about any of the other hundreds of thousands of types of jobs that we have here in sunny California.

I've heard that porn is huge - but is it the biggest industry in all of California? Or do they just get that many complaints that it needs to take up, like, 50% of the complaint page? And really, if you're the type to complain to OSHA, is porn really for you? Because I don't think I've ever heard rumours about porn being a safe and healthy job to have.

First Maine, and now CalOSHA - today has left me really confused.

I simply won't wear underwear unless it's Korean.

I passed this place last night and just had so, so many questions.


View Larger Map
(The tree and pole get in the way a bit, but it reads "Korea Underwear Discount Centr")

1. Who opened this place?
2. And why?
3. And who shops here?
4. Is underwear really that expensive?
5. What is Korean underwear?
6. Do you think maybe you should make the sign a little more discreet?
7. This place looks pretty big...is it a warehouse filled with underwear? Is there really that much of a demand?
8. Where do you get this discounted underwear?
9. Why is it discounted? Is it used?
10. Do you think maybe you should have used spell check before you printed that sign?

10a. They probably got someone to make that sign for them, seeing as how it's unlikely that they are underwear distributors and sign makers. If you were a sign maker, wouldn't it be probably, like, someone's whole job to make sure the signs were spelled correctly?
10b. If you were Korean, and English wasn't your first language, and you wanted to open a business in an American city, wouldn't you maybe go to a sign maker owned and operated by native English speakers?
10c. If you were not a native English speaker, wouldn't you maybe not open a sign business where your whole job is to print stuff in a language you don't know all that well?
10d. So you're saying to me that these underwear people ordered a sign, the sign makers designed it, there was probably a proof or two sent back and forth, then the sign was actually made and then hung into place, and during that whole process not one person was like, "Uh, dude, Center has another e in it. And, while we're on the topic, it should probably say Korean, not Korea, because it needs to be an adjective to describe what kind of underwear discount center it is."?

11.What the hell is Korean underwear?!

“Literature is strewn with the wreckage of those who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others”

Rowr.

I'm not sure if you knew this, but there is a lot of stuff to do in Los Angeles.

For instance:

California Cougar Convention for Younger Men & Older Women
Crowne Plaza Beverly Hills (Los Angeles, CA)

Cougars from throughout California will compete for the title of Miss Cougar California at the first-ever California Cougar Convention. Lucia, "Queen of the Cougar Jungle" (KTLA TV), will deliver the keynote address on "The Cougar Revolution." Plus, enjoy a RapidDating Mixer and a dance party that lasts until 1am.





Website: http://www.cougarevents.com/

Lucia is the author of Lucia’s Lessons of Love and a syndicated columnist. She hosts The Art of Love Show on www.LAtalkradio.com. She was voted Miss Urban Cougar in December 2005 by UrbanCougar.com. She is the veteran of numerous interviews, including Dr. Phil, The Tyra Banks Show, CBS Early Show, VH1, 60 Minutes Australia, Danny Bonaduce Show, etc.

Prior to Lucia’s Keynote, Renee Piane, “The Pioneer of Rapid Dating,” will help break down barriers with a Rapid Mixer. Ms. Piane has worked with hundreds of thousands of singles over her career.

7pm - Doors open
7:30pm - RapidDating Mixer, with Renee Piane.
8pm - Keynote Address with Cougar Author and Expert LUCIA,
"The Queen of the Cougar Jungle" (KTLA)
9pm-1am - Dance Party, featuring your favorite hits.

Miss Cougar California will be selected by the Cubs at this convention. She will be crowned at approximately 11pm and will win a free berth on the Cougar Cruise (see below), will be featured by In Hollywood
Magazine, and receive a gift package from them, plus other prizes. To be eligible she must be legally single, at least 40 years old, and present at the time of selection.

Co-Sponsored by CougarCooking, Cardeaux Cosmetics Cougar Kit, American Laser Centers, UrbanCougar, TheArtofLove, SinglesTravelCompany, icougardating, RapidDating,
CougarInternational, LASingles Society, and many others.

Bonus: Love Shack Parties will be giving away goodie bags.

Ok. My brain is about to spatter all over the wall behind me, so imma break this down piece by piece.

*deep breath*

1. Cougar Convention? Um...who goes to this? Not "who's a cougar," because come on - they're around. I even joke about being one someday. No, I mean, like, who signs up for this and spends their money on this, and then plans for it and thinks about what outfits to wear, and tells people they are going, and then holds their head up high as they walk into the Convention center? Also - who are these young men that are doing the same thing? Wouldn't it be easier to just give the cougars a bag of hair gel, cheap aftershave, and chlamydia?

2. Miss Cougar California? This makes me think of the gin soaked American Teen Princess ladies from Drop Dead Gorgeous. "I can look at this glass and see it's half empty...which, in the beauty pageant biz means 'WHERE THE HELL IS MY WAITER?!"

3. Ok, we really have to talk about the picture.


"Yeeeeaaaaaahh boi! Imma pose like a white rapper and these mommies gonna love me!" No they're not. Because I'm going to kill you. Now take that cross necklace off before Jesus starts crying.


You are not a cougar. My guess is you are a starving actor who is hoping that none of your friends see this stupid model job you booked. Well, good for you for making a buck in this economy, but this picture will come back to haunt you.

(If I weren't such an awesome person, I'd post the picture of my friend dressed up like a sheep for a commercial she did. Sadly for you, it turns out I'm a great friend.)


You are on your way to Target.


You, my dear, are in desperate need of some meds. Who told you to stand like that? Come here so I can slap you. Also, you are not a cougar. You are maybe 12.


Where is the nexus of this intersection? Are you sure you're going to the Cougar Convention and not to Lilith Fair?

4. Website: http://www.cougarevents.com/
Events? Plural?

5. Co-Sponsored by CougarCooking, Cardeaux Cosmetics Cougar Kit, American Laser Centers, UrbanCougar, TheArtofLove, SinglesTravelCompany, icougardating, RapidDating,
CougarInternational, LASingles Society, and many others.
Oh my God. What do Cougars cook? I thought they just ate through the raw meat and bone of their bloody carcasses. Are there European cougars? I thought Europe was supposed to be way classier than us.

6. Co-Sponsored by CougarCooking, Cardeaux Cosmetics Cougar Kit, American Laser Centers, UrbanCougar, TheArtofLove, SinglesTravelCompany, icougardating, RapidDating,
CougarInternational, LASingles Society, and many others.
hahahaha Cougars have mustaches.

Everybody wants to (save) the world.

Some philanthropy magazine based in the UK recently introduced an essay contest. Winners get published in the magazine and get 1,000 British pounds. Being published sounds fun (although, not gonna lie, yours truly IS a published author. I got some poem published in a book in the 4th grade. Yep. Didn't know I was famous, did you?). And getting 1,000 British pounds, which is probably like a million American dollars, would be enough for me to run away to some beautiful island with swim up bars and cabana boys and hammocks. At least for a few days.

So I happily entered.

I highly doubt I will win, as they probably wanted real answers. I mean, I gave them a real answer that I'm serious about, but I'm not sure my writing style will be appreciated. So I'm gonna post it here. I hope you enjoy.

Without further ado:

The Question:
As a philanthropist, how would you spend $10 million to combat global warming?

The Rules:
Would you seek to put pressure on governments? Or to drive changes in public behaviour directly? Or to incentivize markets? Would you focus on challenging unsustainable consumption trends? Or on addressing questions of equity between richer and poorer countries? Would you target your efforts towards particular countries or regions? Or particular industry sectors? Or particular technologies or institutions?

Whatever your plan, your essay must give some indication of how you would judge if you had been successful and in what timeframe you would do this. Bear in mind that the $10 million could be used over any period of time that you see fit. You should also indicate what you see as the main obstacles to the success of your plan.

My Answer:
The only way to combat global warming and reverse our environment’s pendulum swing away from destruction is to change the entire population’s habits and the way we think about our relationship to the planet. This is no small task. People are notoriously difficult to change and a lot of people don’t think about the environment (or much of anything) at all.
 
But I don’t think it’s hopeless.
 
There are three ways that we can change things.
 
1.      Wait until we’re faced with an irreversible environmental catastrophe. As cities are destroyed and our skin burns in acidic rain, we’ll run in the streets, weeping and gnashing our teeth, yelling, “Why? Why did I leave the water running when I brushed my teeth? Why did I buy that ridiculous Hummer? Why didn’t I listen to Al Gore?” And as we’re all shuttled off to Iceland (which would then feel a few degrees hotter than Hades), we’ll sniff back tears and promise to change our wicked ways.
 
2.      Realize through our current trials and tribulations that the power to make big changes comes from within, and that collectively, we humans -  a mighty and extraordinary species - have the courage, compassion, and intellect to look our bad environmental habits in the eye, overcome our fears and sloth, and get back to the way things used to be.
 
3.      Make being green lucrative for business owners and cheap for consumers.
 
Seeing as how the first way is a bit “too little, too late,” and the second is just the plot of the Wizard of Oz, I would direct my efforts toward method number three. Assuming a 2% APY, compounding once annually, I'd tuck the $10 million safely into a savings account and let it grow for 2 years. Sadly, this will only bump me up to roughly $10.4 million, but every little bit helps and I have some important work to do during that time. While my money is growing, I'd need to make some key contacts. See, this particular philanthropic endeavor has to be for-profit in order to work, but it involves some of the same principles used in nonprofit organizations. Namely donor cultivation; convincing potential funders that their investment will benefit a particular constituency – in this case, the global community. I’d befriend young, rich entrepreneurs. I’d sip bourbon with 10-gallon-hat wearing, oil-owning Texans. I’d have hushed conversations with Senators in dimly-lit D.C. bars. (Maybe I'm jaded after 8 years of the Bush administration, or maybe it's because I have no idea how the legal system works, but it seems to me if you want to make any real change, you need to have a politician in your back pocket.) 
 
Next – putting my plan into action! I’d buy a huge lot of desert land in Nevada and set up a solar power company. My deep-pocketed friends would be share-holders in this company of course, as I would need much more than my $10.4 million dollars to get it going. The selling point would be that the customers would get their energy at a much, much cheaper price, as I’d keep the profit margin very low, but because I’d be the most earth-friendly yet cheap energy company ever, every one would use our power, making the profit loss up in quantity of customers. My customers are happy, my cowboy oil stock holders are happy, the earth is happy.
 
This is when things would get really expensive though, as power, oil, and coal companies would start working to bury me in lawsuits, trying desperately to keep the market in their favour. Lucky for me I spent all that time in D.C. buying whores for politicians! And extra lucky for me my big shot friends, grateful for including them in my lucrative plan, were willing to contribute to key re-election campaigns…I slide right through this part.
 
I tell you, once this green ball is rolling, it’s impossible to stop! Now that the solar company is raking in the dough, I’d buy up the buried patents on the cars that run on garbage (Come on – we put a man on the moon, but we haven’t already invented a car that runs well on something other than oil and gas?) from the now-broke oil and gas company owners. Then, once my green companies have control of the power and auto markets, I’ll have enough pull to make stricter laws on pollution, making sure that if companies are going to do the bare minimum in order to keep their bottom line fat, that the bare minimum is set pretty darn high! Meanwhile, other businesses will have to take up greener practices to compete.
 
I realize that completely toppling decades-old businesses and therefore leaving thousands (maybe millions!) of citizens without jobs would cause public dissent and would be bad for business. Making sure this didn’t become a PR nightmare requires a two-pronged approach. First, I would now hire the coal companies to re-green the mountain tops they have destroyed, the auto companies to help make and distribute my new green cars, and the oil companies to rebuild much of the Middle East. (Did I mention that because our oil consumption has decreased so significantly, we no longer have to continue fighting in Iraq and surrounding countries? How’s that for supporting the troops!). This would give people jobs, and more importantly, green jobs! Second, I’d get liberal, do-gooder celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio and Ben Affleck to make my company the new black, assuring that Hollywood was on board. In a short amount of time, TV and film propaganda would make sure the American people knew what to think.
 
Once I had my business model down, I’d take this baby global. It will take a while to turn this polluted ship around and reverse some of the damage we have already done, but I figure I can set up a company, prove its sustainability, and have completely greened the business market in four, five years tops.
 
The end.