Fat Tuesday. Sick Wednesday.

Today is my first official day of no sugar for Lent. I did, however, go all of yesterday without any, except for the pancakes I had for dinner. Which may sound like a lot of sugar (what with the syrup and all), but for me, it was a ridiculously small amount of sugar. It made me feel a little off and by the end of the day, made me come to a realization.

I'm going to be a huge bitch for the next 40 days.

I'm reading this book called The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Program (or something like that) and it talks about how some people are sugar-sensitive and how eating sugar raises our beta-endorphins and how that that makes us feel good. The author mentions that you shouldn't go cold turkey off the hard stuff and that you're mood will most likely change a lot. Maybe I should have prepped for this better.

But, knowing me, I'm sure if I had prepped I would have already given up. As I told a friend recently - It's going to take doing it for the Son of God to get me off sugar.

I should probably never try hard drugs.

I also started the other part of the Lenten package - the taking on of something. In my case - "giving portions to those for whom nothing is prepared." I sent a check to Peterkin, the camp I went to for forever. Not a big bold move so far, but hey - Lent hadn't even started yet. I also should have been sending them money for years now, but they don't have the greatest development department (or one at all), so I haven't been getting any fun direct mailings or eblasts about how I need to donate. I've been meaning to send them money for years, so I guess it was a step to remember to do it.

I'll take it a bit further and post the link so that YOU can donate too! Not that you will, and not that anyone reads this blog, but why not take the next step, right?

http://peterkin.org/pages/pdfs/FriendsofPeterkin.pdf

I'll add that Peterkin is totally amazing, and could use the money (more than almost any other organization I could think of), and camp has really helped shaped the lives of tons of people that I know. And me. So, if you've decided that your Lenten offering is to take on "things that Rachel tells me to do," you can start today with a donation.

oh dear lord.

I sometimes forget that life in LA is never quite normal. I've been here almost 5 years now and I've kind of gotten used to the weirdness, but every once in a while I step back and take an outsiders look at my life and go, "Duuuude!"

We'll start with Saturday. First, I went to meet my small group. One of the members of which was an actor in a major 90's television show. Discuss Jesus with a star? Check.

On to lunch. Which was hamburgers with my good buddies Sean and Nick. Pretty normal, right? Well, if normal means eating burgers at an Asian-run burger stand where the burger lady is, like uber nice (and probably crazy) and knows everyone's names writes you notes on your paper plate and you stand in line in front of a dude that is clearly a chick or a chick who is clearly a dude (I'm not sure which - beard, boobs, and toenail polish - you decide) and then eating said burgers while having a discussion that includes the phrase, "I got a job teaching Lego robotics," and "It was an hour of pantomime! It was genius." and then having a stranger come up to us and ask us if we thought Tom Cruise was faking the whole insane Scientologist thing, then yes, I had a normal lunch. In case you were wondering, the weirdo stranger guy told us that Tom Cruise is taking anti-anxiety medicine on the low. Just in case you were wondering.

Then today. Dear Lord, today. I was in Beverly Hills for church and lunch and was getting in my car to go home when I stopped dead in my tracks. I see a house, with a, um, a statue, like...uh...attached to it? It's of a window (not a real window, mind you, a statue of a window), with RAPUNZEL looking out. How do I know it was Rapunzel? Cuz she's letting down her hair. All the way to the grass below. A big bronze Rapunzel. Let me repeat that. A BRONZE RAPUNZEL.

I immediately sent a pic text to my fried Lori who has a blog devoted to funny and strange things (www.funnystrange.net), to which she responded, "Someone had to commission that, dude."

Dear. Lord.

My camera phone pic wasn't that good, and I really wanted to post it here, so I've done the best that I could with a google map. It's still a little fuzzy, but I think you should be able to make it out:


View Larger Map

If you need to see it in person (and trust me, you do need to see it in person), it's on the corner of Carmelita and Rodeo Drive.

Then I went to a Hollywood Rock Academy show to see one of my C.A.S.T. kids kick some ass on drums. I was a little wary at first. A show full of teen rock bands in my day and area would have been an earful of tone deaf. I went late so I wouldn't have to hear most of them, but I get there and DUDE - these kids - I don't even know what to say. Yeah, there was some tone deafness here and there, but these kids were doing what can only be described as "shredding." Like, I'm talking serious ass-kicking! What are these kids on? Special rock steroids?? All I know is that I went straight home and googled Hollywood Rock Academy and plan on sending a donation there way soon. And I'll probably spend a significant amount of time being sad that I didn't grow up in a big city where I could form a band, get professional help cultivating that band, and then get gigs at world famous venues. (Just a quick side note - After the Reign (www.myspace.com/afterthereignband) will be playing the Roxy on March 27. You should go and support them, especially Christina, the drummer, who kicks ass).

Tonight is another C.A.S.T. kid concert, which this time means a trip into downtown, which is always an adventure. At least it's not some back alley club that smells like urine, which would describe the last concert I went to in downtown LA. I won't even go into the screaming hookers and the men peeing publicly and the guy that caused me to think to myself, "This is it. In about 5 minutes I'm going to know what it feels like to be stabbed, and I will die. This is the last night of my life."

Only in Los Angeles.

What did you do this weekend?

UPDATE: As suspected, the orchestra concert was amazing. Apparently they've found a way to disguise professional musicians as 15 year old Asian kids. Did I mention everyone was Asian? Annette rocks!

I lah you like a fat kid lahs cake.

So I walk into Old Navy the other day and instantly this guy starts telling me about all their sales and deals and how they have some sort of Yoga giveaway. Yoga is alright, I guess. I did Bikram yoga once or twice and I couldn't walk for 2 weeks, so I guess it works, but I'm anti yoga the same way I'm anti sushi and all other stuffwhitepeoplelike/hipster/new age California type stuff. A walk in the woods and a shot of whisky will always cures what ails you, I always say. I'm a mountain girl at heart. I don't like fish unless it's deep fried. I like my salads with ranch.

But I digress.

So, this guy is pushing the yoga giveaway and I'm all, "I don't do yoga," and I pat my belly and say, "Obviously." And then the lady standing at the yoga giveaway center is like, "Oh, are you pregnant?"

"No," I said. "I'm just fat."

Next Wednesday is the first day of Lent. I've never been in the habit of giving things up for Lent, because, well, I just haven't. This year is different, and not just because I want an excuse to stop being an elephant.

I heard a sermon a while back that made me see things in a new light. It was about enjoying life, and seeking joy, and finding strength in the joy of the Lord. You'd think it wouldn't be that hard to enjoy life (because my life is pretty frickin' awesome, if I do say so myself), but sometimes, for me, it really is. But ever since this sermon, I've been doing much better on that front and have made some positive changes and have been quite content lately. There was a specific passage that was read that has kind of become my mantra:

Nehemiah 8:10-12 (English Standard Version)

10Then he said to them, "Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." 11So the Levites calmed all the people, saying, "Be quiet, for this day is holy; do not be grieved." 12And all the people went their way to eat and drink and to send portions and to make great rejoicing, because they had understood the words that were declared to them.

I love the idea of living a big life. Going for it. Counting your blessings. Eating and drinking and sharing with others. Since adopting this mantra has brought me so much peace, I thought a good exercise for Lent would be to cut down on the me enjoying part and focusing more on the sending portions to those for which nothing is prepared, which I suspect is the most important part of the passage.

So, here's the deal. I'm not going to eat sweets from next Wednesday till Easter day. This doesn't mean I'm giving up frozen pizza or won't drink juice (which has sugars in it). But it does mean no chocolate. No dessert. Dessert is like air to me. I may not survive the next few weeks. I'll add to this being more conscious of what I eat and doing some exercise. I'm hoping by posting this publicly, I'll stick to it. I have my pride to keep in tact, after all.

But the rest of the deal is that I'm going to find ways to help other people. I already donate to charity and volunteer now and then, but I'm hoping to ramp up my efforts. I'm about to donate a laptop and a bridesmaid dress. I hope to clean out my closet and donate to Goodwill. I also want to find some things that get me out and about. Maybe even things where I need to go outside my comfort zone - a soup kitchen in Skid Row or something. We'll see how it pans out. I'll keep you updated. You keep me honest. Deal?

My hope is that I'll come out of this a little smaller, a little wiser, and having helped some people.

hot or not dot org

Part of the reason I took my current job is because I wanted to get into the nonprofit sector. I knew that would mean learning a bunch of jargon and I knew that holding an administrative position at a company that consults for NPO's (nonprofit organizations) would mean getting the opportunity to be around the terms a lot.

Now that I've been there a while, I feel like I could hold a conversation with an Executive Director or Director of Development and not feel like a complete moron. I also feel like I've heard enough new vocabulary to vomit in my mouth a little every time I hear a term repeated. I hate jargon from every industry (in fact, I really hate the WORD jargon, as well as jargon itself), but when you hear one branch of it over and over...whew. Today I hit the point where I thought it was time to pull out my Hot Words and Not Hot Words list. I've been collecting words for a couple of years now, adding to it here and there, but I really feel the need to publicly display it once again, with some new words added.

Not Hot Words - the Nonprofit Version sees the addition of glean, vet/vetted/vetting, and "packaged asks," among others.

Without further ado, I present to you "Hot Words and Not Hot Words."

HOT WORDS:

irascible loquacious colloquial lugubrious mellifluous obsequious obstreperous petulant profundity propinquity pusillanimous leiderhosen Saskatchewan Abu Dhabi Leichtenstein Azerbaijan mai tai quandary quibble acquiesce quotidian indubitably cupcake ruffian salubrious stygian transubstantiation supercilious tangential teetotaler thwart truculence turpitude ubiquitous umbrage undulate verisimilitude whimsical whippersnapper writ of habeous corpus aberration uvula Midlothian equatorial abjure abscond obtuse abysmal alacrity whilst amongst ambidextrous ameliorate apotheosis onomatopoeia apropos ascertain belligerent bequest bequeath cantankerous balderdash chicanery conciliatory inconsequential conundrum queue tangible cornucopia cryptic curmudgeon debacle denouement diaphanous ecumenical effluvia epicurean equilibrium exuberance heinous fidget fracas hoi polloi jai alai hoodwink idiosyncrasy impecunious holla hella perpetual unbeknownst Pikachu bitch poop wtf goo shiny whatnot fine china Lee Iacocca Chubby Bunny Pumpernickel copacetic Chupacabra Ginko Baloba escatalogical vouchsafe beseech thee thou thy primal circa Wonderland

NOT HOT WORDS:

irk vole stipple tipple vacillation Gurnsey warmonger wean keepsake crockery panty danish Moldova ilk vulva balk yolk bilge earthenware feckless plaque blog journey bling-bling extreme gender lol ought (when said meaning zero - like "Back in ought-five.") fo-shizzle nine-eleven verbage Sportage township caulk Robinsons-May McKeesport Weirton creamery Mingo Junction nosegay puss municipal rural Moyak Currytuck Braintree Government Center Alewife Lechmere glean vet/vetted/vetting packaged asks apples-to-apples comparison synergy cross-pollinate prowess grantmaker think-tank convene jargon sleuthing


Feel free to comment and add your hot or not words.

I believe the children are our future.

I lead a small group of senior high aged kids every other Wednesday. I think there's supposed to be some sort of curriculum or something, but mainly we just eat pizza and laugh. Occasionally people will ask me what we talk about that's so funny and I can never really answer them. Here's a smattering of quotes from the evening. As you will see, it's all over the place, which is why I can never explain to people what we talk about for 2 hours.

"And then we all got churros and cuddled."

"That's good poo."

"Well, like if there was a Care Bear side of the island."

"I'm giving up forest fires and pancakes for Lent."

"I don't stalk. I prey."

There was also talk of tying a kitchen timer to a string in order to pretend to be a rattlesnake.

Maybe they should consider NOT letting me be in charge of children.

I think there's a planet in retrograde or something.

You ever have those days when you're all stressed for no reason and everything pisses you off even when you try really hard to let things slide and you're all, "Why am I such a bitch?" and you can't get an answer and you just want something but don't know what but probably there should be a nap involved?

Yeah, I've been having one of those days.

I'm going to bed now. And while I drift to sleep, I will pet my super furry, super awesome cat. I'm hoping that this will fix everything. Because when you're day has gone relatively well, and someone gets you a sandwich at lunchtime, and you have drinks with friends in the evening, and you're still a bitch, then it's time to just give up and start over.

Goodnight.

An open letter to the Roxy.

Dear Roxy -

Just because Carson Daly and Matthew McConnaughy show up to your venue doesn't mean that you are too cool to treat your potential customers well. All I'm asking is for your ticketing process to not be a clusterf**k. I think this is a reasonable request.

Also, when I order a drink. Don't charge me 50% of what a whole bottle would cost.

And finally, please work on your math. $12 does not equal $13.50.

Thank you.