Saturday, February 14, 2009

Don't racially profile my cat, you bastard.

Ok, so I love the internet. I think it's fantastic. I can't imagine life without it, and really don't know how I lived the first 15 years of my life doing everything through the yellow pages. I love that you can learn the answer to almost anything in an instant. I also love that you can speak your mind. Hate God, white people, black people, Scientologists? There are pages for that. Love animals, basket weaving, or sharing your artwork? There are pages for that too. I'm pretty sure free speech is in the Constitution somewhere, and as much as I might not agree with you, I love that you're free to share your opinion.

That said - don't racially profile my cat, you bastard.

A friend of mine (hi Syd!) alerted me to the fact that my baby girl, Miss Mags, made it to the front page of - one of my favourite websites. I don't even care that the grammar is horrible - cats are funny and I'm grateful there is a page dedicated to the funny things they do. At I Can Has Cheezburger, you can upload pictures of your cat, or use photos of other people's cats, and add captions. There are themes that run throughout, like Invisible Fill-In-The-Blank, where the cats look like their doing something like riding a bike or playing frisbee, but the bike or frisbee isn't there. Or there's the walrus and his bucket (bukkit).

And then there's Basement Cat and Ceiling Cat.

Basically God and the Devil. God is usually pictured in the Ceiling (um, duh), but the type or color of cat isn't always the same. Basement cat can be shown anywhere, but Basement Cat is always black. I'm surprised no one has had an issue with this before. I never did, until this:

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

A while back I uploaded a picture of my cat to make an LOL (if you are over the age of 30, just remind me and I'll explain all this later) of Miss Mags, because in this picture, she looks like a jalapeno and I wanted to do a side-by-side comparison for I always knew there was a chance someone could use her picture to caption, but I didn't think it would happen. And I certainly didn't think they'd use the power of Mags' cuteness for EVIL. But somebody that goes by Aef622 DID use her picture and to him/her I say:


Yes, my baby is black. But she is the SWEETEST BEING ON PLANET EARTH. Why do you have to hate, just because of the colour of her fur? Why do you assume she's bad? Why can't we all just get along?

I guess my point here, on this chilly Valentine's Day, is that we should all look past colour. Black doesn't mean bad. In Mags' case - black means the best smelling, softest, cuddliest, best little baby girl on the planet. She brings me more joy than anything. It's 2009. Obama is president. Get with the times. Let's embrace people of all colours and enjoy all the things they have to bring to the table (including hella cute babies. Is it just me or are non-white babies just way cuter than most white babies?).

My other point is - Mess with my girl again Aef622 and I'll rip your intestines out of your body through your mouth. K?

Happy Valentine's Day. May the love of God be with you this day and always.


  1. I love that you used the english spelling of colour. you do so seriously rock.

  2. That's so funny. I remember seeing her on Icanhascheezburger.

  3. Dear Rachel,

    I didn’t mean to racially profile your cat, and I’m so sorry for any mental hardships I have caused Miss Mags. Hopefully she wasn’t teased due to my icanhascheezburger post and interpretation of her photo. My lol-caption was very popular, and was posted to the homepage of on Valentine’s day, so it couldn’t have been that bad. You should be happy that I made Miss Mags famous!

    I do, however have one question based on the ending of your post:

    “My other point is - Mess with my girl again Aef622 and I’ll rip your intestines out of your body through your mouth. K?
    Happy Valentine’s Day. May the love of God be with you this day and always”

    What does God think about ripping intestines out of bodies through a person’s mouth? Who says that? I’ll tell you who. Satan. And owners of basement cats.

    Just sayin’.


  4. That's hilarious. How did you find this?

    Also, I never said I wasn't a basement cat at heart. I just said that Miss Mags was not a basement cat. Miss Mags is perfect and is loved - Valentine's Day and every other day. She'd probably even like you.